Some of these blogs will be familiar. 

If you are part of my Facebook framily. 

Or if you have read thru some of the blogs from my other website - www.kamelotrose.com

Some are only to be found here, at least for now.

I am trying to bring all these blogs together, and migrate the original website over to this one

- as well as forming a book from some of them. 

Thank you for your patience, and tolerance.

Thank you also for caring enough to read my ramblings.

Widow weekends

Saturdays were always the days that Rick and I worked around the house, unless we were doing some kind of exploring or adventure.

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Almost there . . . 9 years

Sitting here this Sunday morning, looking at the calendar. Knowing without looking, without counting - 2 more wake ups and it will be 9 years as a widow. The beginning of that 1st decade closing. 

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Winds of change

As I sit here this 2nd day of October 2023, there are at least a hundred thoughts swirling in my mind and in my heart.

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8 years later

After 8 years, few ask how I am doing as a widow. The consensus seems to be that it's been long enough, that I should let it all go and move on. That I should be over it by now.

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Coffee Thoughts on a Tuesday

I think one of the most "surprising" (not in a good way) things about being a widow is that while it's perfectly acceptable and the "norm" for people to grieve and miss their parents, their siblings, children, friends, or other family members, who have died - we as widows/widowers are expected, sometimes even met with demands, to "get over it", "move on", "quit your crying".

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Coffee Thoughts on the last hot morning of July

Well, here it is.The last day of July 2023. The last hot day of July, 2023. And sadly, I do not feel much better than I did the last day of June 2023. Sigh. Almost like I am stuck in some kind of mud - not going deeper, but not getting closer to being out, either. Just here. Spinning my wheels. But not even having fun doing that! Just here. Breathing in.Breathing out. Surviving yes. But still, not really LIVING. Maybe there are some changes in me thru these days of July, and before.Not much “about” me or in my life, or so it seems. 

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Too Long

It's been too long since I wrote here. I have found myself struggling greatly with what to write. Not wanting to sound like I am whining, or complaining. Not sure how to put words to all my thoughts and emotions. So, just kinda holding all those close in my heart for now. As I process it all, I will be sharing some of them in later blogs. 

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If you know - YOU KNOW

Loneliness cannot be compared any more than comparing apples to oranges- they are both round, they are both fruits, they both contain Vitamin C, they can both be eaten, they can both be made into juice and drank. They can even weigh about the same. - one is not better than the other. Except to a personal preference and taste. - both are good for you, but if you live only on either, it will make you sick.

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Rules of the House

I am in many groups online, some thru Facebook, some are not. And I read a lot of complaints about “rules of the house” - and whether someone agrees with those rules or not. There have been some very adamant stands - on both sides of the fence. I haven’t gotten involved in any of the discussions - just holding my words.

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Coffee Thoughts on a grey morning

There are people in our lives who are “toxic” for one reason or another. No judgment or criticism from me on those that you choose to cut out of your life, for whatever reason there is - that’s your heart, mind and soul’s decision.

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Pain sucks!

Many years ago I remember going with Rick to Granny McCoy's house. When I stepped out of the car, I could hear her groaning and moaning. Walking into her little house, I could see her sitting in her chair, with her legs up on her ever present blue bucket that had a pillow on top. 

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My Constant Companion

For these 8 years since my loss, I have thought something isn’t right with me. My thoughts of this intense grief is that it had settled on me, like some pea-soup fog. Leaving me to wonder if this is depression. Even being told by one doctor that it was indeed, depression. Then, the calm voice of reason from another doctor, “Margaret, you are not depressed. You are a WIDOW.”

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Stuck

If you knew Rick, or even just talked to him for longer than 5 minutes, you knew (or would realize) just what a different creature he was. 

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