I do not understand

Published on 12 July 2023 at 08:12

These are my coffee thoughts this Wednesday morning: 

There is so much about life that I do not understand: 
- I do not understand how electricity works, but I use it every day in all kinds of ways.
- I do not understand how I can pick up my phone and dial a number, someone answers and we are talking in real time with no delay - but I talk every day on my phone.
- I do not understand all the workings of the internet, how I can point, click and be there. But I use it without question every day.
- I do not understand how a multi-ton piece of metal can stay in the air, but I have flown the skies.
- I do not understand all the mechanical workings of my vehicle, but I get in the driver’s seat and I drive.
- I have stood at the foot of Multnomah Falls, and other falls as well, in awe of the majesty - and questioned where does all this water come from, with no end? But I still stand there, enjoying every breath taken in the spray.

There is so much about life I do not understand - - 
- but do I stop using those things which I do not understand?
- do I reject what I do not understand as being too much for my mind to wrap around?

There is so much about God that I do not understand.
- I have more questions than I have answers.
- I don’t agree with a lot, but He knows that, lol.

Who am I to think that I have to understand everything about God - His ways, His timing, His plans - before I believe and accept?
- before I choose to pledge my allegiance to Him?

When I look back over my life - I must be honest and real with my own mind and heart.
- it hasn’t been God that has hurt me.
- it has been a people (one or more) that claimed to be His children.
- it has never been His Word that offended me or hurt my feelings.
- but it has often been the word of “His children” spoken in anger, in judgment, in criticism.

As a parent, I treasure the moments when my kids acknowledge me as their momma, their parent.
- whether in public, or in private.
As a parent, it swells my heart with thankfulness when someone tells me what a good son or daughter I have, and that it is an honor to know them, to work with them.
As a parent, it gives me a touch of “the big head” when someone says that they look have mannerisms like their daddy or me. ;)

No offense is intended here, but I know there are parents who have - shall we say, “difficult” or “troubled” children. Children who are not an honor to the good parents, nor to the excellent parenting skills.
- just as there are good children that come out of bad home situations.

It just happens sometimes.

But - if this happens in the world of parenting and children, who am I to think it does not happen in the world of God with His children? Both positive and negative ways.

If a child is “bad”, “difficult”, or “troubled” - does that always mean it is the dad or mom’s fault? Should a good parent be judged according to the acts or words of a child? Whether that child is a little one, or a grown adult.

Why have I, so many times, determined that God must be just like one who claimed to be His?

We are all individuals, we are not puppets on a string.

Yes, we are to become more and more like His Character - Love, Mercy, Grace, Kindness, Compassion, Forgiveness.
But do we always do that? No.
Because we are given free-will choice to either be more like Jesus, or more like our own selves.

So, while I do not always agree with God ;) - nor approve of all the words and actions of those who claim to be His children - I still make my choice to trust Him with all my heart, and to lean not on my own understanding.

The question is asked time after time, “But how can you love and serve a God like this, or like that?”
My question is, “Why do I want to look at God in the way that the world teaches or perceives, or even as the church preaches and portrays? That is all from a flawed and faulted human perspective.”

I chose to love my flawed and faulted husband, Ricky Lee McCoy, since I was 10 years old. He made so many mistakes and took many missteps. We argued, we got mad at each other. We went times without speaking - because it was better to just shut up ;) But the fact remains - I loved him then, and I love him still.
I choose to love my kids, my grandkids, my great-grandchild. Not one of them is perfect - except in my heart’s world ;)
I choose to love family, friends, and social media framily. Not because they are perfect. But because they are real.

I choose to love God, because I choose to believe that He first Loved me.
God is a relationship, not a religion.

This life I live is not by my power, not by my wits and sass. Lord only knows I am short on wits, and long on sass! LOL 
This life I live is by Faith in the Son of God, Who Loved me and gave His life for me.
Whether anyone agrees, or disagrees, with me - - - 
Whether I am applauded, encouraged, or persecuted - - -
I pledge allegiance to the Lamb.

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