My Last Tear

This song was released in February 1990.

The first time I heard it - it became one of those anthem's of my soul.

In NO way, at NO time, was it ever directed towards my husband, Ricky Lee.

But it spoke volumes upon volumes to me about other people, and other situations, in my life.

And now, I find it doing the same - all over again. 

It's easy for me to give 139% of me to any person, to any relationship, to situations. 

Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. 

Rick always said that I give too easy, I trust too much. 

He would hold me as the tears of betrayal and frustrations fell. 

He would kiss away those tears, and look me deep in the eyes. 

Tell me how he loved me, admired me, and then he would say these words : "Honey, if you lose them, what have you really lost? A lot of hurt and tears. Sometimes we just have to count our loss and let go."

It never was easy to do for me. 

It's even harder now, without him to support me, hold me up, and kiss away the tears.

To draw the line in the sand and just let go. 

To know that I have NOT cried my last tear for a person, or a relationship, not in reality - but to know that I have to let this song resound thru and thru me all over again. 

Family. Those are hard to let go of, having been taught all thru these years - and having said it a million times myself - that "Blood is thicker than water". Then, to face the harsh winds and know that those are empty words. Because not everyone who is of the blood feels the same as I. 

Friends. Even those who have been with me thru a lot of the storms of life. There are times when the ebbing and flowing of the tides takes away those who have become so entwined in my heart and soul. Whether they make that choice, or whether simply put - life happens.

Course, then there are the ones that I put a lot of me into with good intentions, only to realize that they had ulterior motives and hidden agendas - and they were only using me for their own benefit. When they had used me to their own end, I was cast aside - broken and bruised. 

Co-workers. When I share a job with someone, there is a bond there - even when we don't do the same job, or we don't do the job the same way. We talk, we share, we spend time. And what becomes more than a working relationship to me - is obviously nothing more than that to them when the job is done. Whether the job is done for the day, or for all time. 

Any relationship that I have invested ME into - when that relationship changes, and/or ends . . . well, this song comes to play in my heart and mind. 

I am absolutely horrible at letting go. 

I will give chance after chance after chance. 

I will spend money, time, energies - more than I can honestly afford. 

Phone calls. Visits. Messages. 

And then, when that time comes to step away, to let go - that's when the obsessive-compulsive thoughts come after me. Like a dog gnawing on a bone! Even when I don't pull at those thoughts and emotions, they won't leave me! 

Tears that could float the Titanic! 

Me left wondering how one person could not be dried up and shriveled with so much water flowing out! 

But this song. 

The simple truth of the song. 

The lyrics that have carried me thru so many "let-go's" - - carry me still. 

Even if I do know these are not quite the "last" of the tears - I know the tears from here on out are more for the situation of letting go, than from the hurt of my heart. 

It's just time.

Let go. 

Let it be. 

I've Cried My Last Tear for You

When you left me lonely here
I thought that I would drown in tears
As one was wiped away
Another one would take its place
Drop by drop, as time went by
I slowly ran that river dry
Until I finally realized today
That I've cried my last tear for you
Wasted my last year on you
There's no trace of the heartache I knew
It's been raining pain since you walked out
But baby, that's all over now
'Cause I've cried my last tear for you
Well, I used to lay alone in bed
With my pillow soaking wet
And all of those lonely nights
I thought there was no end in sight
I cried my heart out over you
But then I cried the hurt out too
It took a while, but now I'll be all right
But I've cried my last tear for you
Wasted my last year on you
There's no trace of the heartache I knew
Well, it's been raining pain since you walked out
But baby, that's all over now
'Cause I've cried my last tear for you
Yes, baby I've cried my last tear for you

Songwriters: Pee Wee King, Chris Waters. For non-commercial use only.