8 years ago today, early in the morning, you woke up for the last time.
Said your legs were cramping.
I walked around the bed, laid my hand on your chest, and looked into your eyes.
8 years ago, I saw love in your eyes, just as I had seen every day for the previous 34 years, 7 months and 17 days.
8 years ago, you took your final breath with my hand on your chest.
8 years ago, the EMT’s worked for over the golden hour with no response.
8 years ago, I was told there was nothing more that could be done, that you would never be better.
8 years ago, I had to say those words: “let him go”.
Words that have echoed in my hollow heart and tormented my grieving soul since spoken.
8 years ago, I told the funeral home guy that I did not like him at all – because he was going to take you away from me.
8 years ago, I kissed you one more time in the pouring rain, before they took you away.
8 years ago, I stood in the shower and sobbed uncontrollably as the word “widow” screamed in my mind, heart, and soul.
8 years ago, I thought the pain of losing you was going to take my life.
The horrible truth is that you died.
But the beautiful truth is that you lived.
You really lived.
And you truly Loved.
Not just me, but you loved our kids, our grandkids.
You loved your family, my family.
You loved friends, acquaintances, strangers.
But wait, did you ever meet a stranger?
You were a man of LOVE.
You were my husband, my lover, my best friend.
You were my heart.
You were my everything.
I never thought that I would be able to do this life without you.
I didn’t want to do this life without you.
Still don’t – just saying.
Yet . . . 8 years later . . . here I am.
Doing this life without you.
Step by step.
Little by little.
With you always in my mind, in my heart.
Every moment of every day.
I hear your words bouncing around in my memories.
As you supported me then, you support me now.
I walk on with your love, and with your voice.
8 years later . . .
Remember how much you missed those that died while you lived?
Well, we miss you just as much.
More. (Always a competition, remember? )
8 years ago, you took so much of me with you when you left.
I will never be the same, without you here.
8 years later, and I just want to tell you –
The man who felt so unworthy, so not good enough
You were always so worthy, and more than good enough.
You were the one who inspired me, encouraged me, supported me
You made me better than I ever could have been
8 years later, I want to thank you
Thank you for letting me be your love, your beloved
Thank you for letting me be loved by you
Thank you for choosing me as your very own
Thank you for loving me the way you did.
Forever yours –