I have begun the task of moving from the website that I have had since about 2010 to this new website.
It's not easy.
Mentally, trying to decide what to bring with me, and what to just let go of.
What means something to me - and what was just the day-to-day stuff of living?
Emotionally, I am struggling.
As I read back thru all the posts I have created and published over the last 13 years, remembering that life with Rick, and since then, too.
But also with the whole letting go of that other website, www.kamelotrose.com .
Rick bought that site for me when we were on the road, traveling and working. Living away from family and friends. He said it would be a way for me to keep everyone up to date with what was going on, what we were seeing, where we were going - without having to make a hundred phone calls, or text messages, each day.
And when bodies began to spiral down, Rick made me promise - time after time - that I would continue to write and share. That I would get out of my comfort zone in the hopes that just ONE person would find strength to hold on during their own struggles and trials. The last time he spoke of the website, he was laying in the cardiac unit of the Paris TX hospital. He had pulled me into bed with him, much to the consternation of the nurses, lol. As he held me, he made me promise yet again - that I would not give up. That I would not stop writing. I know now that he knew he was dying - it was just a matter of time before his body would sleep that final time. His words to me, "You are going to write about our life, our struggles. You are going to write about all that you go thru after I am gone. It's going to be hard. But you must promise me. Because if just ONE person is helped then all of this will not have been in vain."
With tears streaming down my face, with my heart breaking into a million pieces, I laid in his arms, listening to his voice. And I promised him.
So this migrating away from that website, that he had named, and read so often - as well as shared numerous times with others . . . it's another hard thing for me to do.
But after fighting with the changes that the web host has made - and since I am only one voice in a sea of millions - I'm exhausted. I can't continue that website with the same passion that I had before.
Here I am.
Yet again, letting go.
Rick, I know you would understand.
How often did you say that when something wasn't working, rather than stop and give up - we back up, change direction and press on.
Our story needs to be told.
And this, as well as the book I struggle in writing, is the only way I know to tell.