The hardest part of death is in the dying.
The waiting.
The fear of going to sleep, or leaving the room, or being distracted for one breath.
The whole knowing it is there, lurking in the corner of the room - just not sure when its going to step forward for claiming the one.
I feel like I have been living with death for years.
Always sensing that Shadow in the corner.
When I had cancer, I stopped being afraid of Death.
I'm not even afraid of the Dying.
It's part of Life and Living.
The hard part, but still a part.
My heart and soul hurt for those closest - those who see and feel the Shadow as it creeps closer, as it comes up and lays a hand then backs away again.
Those who will know the heaviness in that moment.
It's the living on the other side of Death that scares me more than anything.
The finding breath and Hope again when the Shadow retreats for a while.
The Loss is so heavy.
The Grief is so heavy.
Even now, these 11 years after Rick died -
I literally FEEL that morning he took his final breath,
every morning at 8:37 am,
I can physically FEEL his breath.
Sigh.
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